The remainder of the NHL’s All-Star roster was announced this Thursday, and as always, people pointed out those who should have and shouldn’t have made it onto the team. Traditional nerds will turn to statistics for their arguments. Pfft. Ok, grandpa! The new, modern generation of über-nerds use stats, too, but they also use a newer tool: Capgeek.

As an NHL General Manager, you want your highest-paid guys to be your best guys, and dare I say, All-Stars. However, in the new era of front-loaded, 45-year player contracts, this isn’t always the case. Front-loading contracts can often mask insane player salaries with the thin veil of lower cap hits. So here’s what we’re gonna do…

The 2012 NHL All-Star team is comprised of 24 forwards, 12 defencemen, and six goalies. Let’s look at the top 24 salaries for forwards, the top 12 for defencemen, and top six for goalies, and see how many of them are All-Stars.

Forwards

1 – Brad Richards – $12 million
All-Star? No.
In what was a pretty awful 2011 free agency class, it was obvious that signing Brad Richards would cost cartoony amounts of money. Despite his $6.66 million cap hit, Brad Richards is actually making $12 million this season and next…yeah. I’ll answer it before you ask it – he’s making just $1 million in each of the last three season of his deal. In Richards’ defence, he’s second on the Rangers with 31 points in 41 games, and the Rangers are the top team in the east. Hard to complain too much about that.

2 – Vincent Lecavalier – $10 million
All-Star? No.
There once was a time when Vincent Lecavalier got serious Hart Trophy consideration. Now he’s third in scoring on his own Tampa Bay Lightning team behind Steven Stamkos and Martin St. Louis (who has played five fewer games). To be fair, Lecavalier’s production is similar to Brad Richards’ with 30 points in 42 games. Unlike the Rangers however, the Lightning have stunk so far this season, sitting well out of a playoff spot in the east and near the bottom of the league.

3 – Evgeni Malkin – $9 million
All-Star? Yes.
No word on whether or not the Pittsburgh Penguins will actually let Malkin play in the ASG, because with the Penguins’ luck this season, Malkin might take a slap shot to the leg and somehow break his arm.

4 – Sidney Crosby – $9 million
All-Star? No.
Can’t imagine why Sidney Crosby isn’t an All-Star. Is he hurt? If he was you’d figure the media would have talked about it by now.

5 – Alexander Ovechkin – $9 million
All-Star? Yes.
Alex Ovechkin has 33 points in 41 games. His teammate Niklas Backstrom has 42 points in 38 games, but didn’t make the cut… Okie doke.

6 – Jason Spezza – $8 million
All-Star? Yes.
Fans around the NHL have been getting on the Sens faithful for stuffing the ballot box, but unlike the last few seasons, Spezza is living up to his salary. Based on preseason predictions, the Sens are lucky to be anything but dead last. Yet here we are, over halfway through the season, and the Sens sit in a playoff spot rather comfortably. Spezza being one of the league’s top ten scorers is a big reason why. He still has a dorky laugh, though.

7 – Dany Heatley – $8 million
All-Star? No.
You know things are going bad for Danny Heatley when it’s starting to look like the Sens won the trade sending him to the Sharks. Now Heatley is on the quickly plummeting Minnesota Wild. And this is the guy that, according to the famous YouTuber Ottawa Ghost, is supposed to be a “*&^%!in’ All-Star!”

8 – Joe Thornton – $8 million
All-Star? No.
I wanted to make fun of Joe Thornton for not getting picked over teammate Logan Couture, but Thornton actually has more points. The difference? Couture has 18 goals and Thornton only has 8, but that’s because Thornton is still one of the league’s premiere playmakers.

9 – Steven Stamkos – $8 million
All-Star? Yes.
Not only does Stamkos lead the league with 29 goals, but the second place guy (Phil Kessel) “only” has 24. Tampa Bay is currently two points out of dead last in the east, so imagine where they would be without Stammer…Quebec?

10 – Marian Hossa – $7.9 million
All-Star? Yes.
He’s top ten in league scoring and the Hawks are 4th in the league. In other words, he’s OK.

11 – Henrik Zetterberg – $7.75 million
All-Star? No.
With 32 points in 43 games, Zetterberg is just 4th on Detroit in scoring. Zetterberg is still one of the NHL’s deadliest players, but a slow start killed his All-Star chances. He had just six points in his first 16 games, causing the stupid author of this blog to trade him away in his fantasy pool to @camcharron. Thanks, Henrik.

12 – Eric Staal – $7.75 million
All-Star? No.
Remember that time Eric Staal was a captain at the 2011 All Star Game and was the reason Phil Kessel got picked last? Time flies.

13 – Scott Gomez – $7.5 million
All-Star? No.
No goals, 4 assists in 13 games this season. Woof.

14 – Marian Gaborik – $7.5 million
All-Star? Yes
As part of his new training regimen for the All Star Game, Gaborik has been lugging Christmas trees through Manhattan.

15 – Rick Nash – $7.5 million
All-Star? No.
I wanted to defend Rick Nash because he plays on the atrocious Columbus Blue Jackets, but he’s being outscored by Vinny Prospal. Welp…see ya at the World Championship.

16 – Mikko Koivu – $7.29 million
All-Star? Yes.
Mikko Koivu might be the best player nobody ever talks about. He’s also the richest player nobody talks about, so don’t feel too bad.

17 – Jarome Iginla – $7 million
All-Star? Yes.
Iginla has scored a minimum of 31 goals in every season since 2000-01, two 50-goal seasons, two Olympic gold medals, and over 500 career goals. Despite all that, Iginla was recently voted to a list of the NHL’s most overrated players, thus making it one of the NHL’s most overrated lists.

18 – Daniel Briere – $7 million
All-Star? No.
Danny Briere’s 29 points in 39 games is decent, but not All-Star worthy. In his defence, he’d have more points if one of the goalies he faced during games was Ilya Bryzgalov.

19 – Marc Savard – $7 million
All-Star? No.
Whenever people talk about the “Injured All-Star Team,” they always fail to mention Marc Savard. He’s still on injured reserve, believe it or not.

20 – Patrick Marleau – $6.9 million
All-Star? No.
With two less goals but nine more points, you’d figure Marleau might get the All-Star nod over his teammate Logan Couture. The Sharks still have three players that were on Team Canada at the Olympics, and none of them made the All-Star team.

21 – Pavel Datsyuk – $6.7 million
All-Star? Yes.
A couple centuries ago, Datsyuk’s magical skills and dangles would have gotten him burned at the stake for witchcraft.

22 – Alex Semin – $6.7 million
All Star? No.
With just 22 points in 37 games so far, Semin wouldn’t even make the starting lineup of the Washington Capitals All-Star Game.

22 – Paul Stastny – $6.6 million
All-Star? No.
Like several players on this list, Stastny isn’t even in the top three in scoring on his own team. He’s just one point up on rookie teammate Gabriel Landeskog.

23 – Mike Richards – $6.6 million
All-Star? No.
In Mike Richards’ defence, his more defensive and rugged style of play isn’t exactly conducive to an All-Star Game. Then again, we’re totally due for a fight in one of these things. What’s David Booth doing?

24 – Shawn Horcoff – $6.5 million
All-Star? No.
Horcoff’s 22 points in 42 games is a bit misleading because he’s never been an offensive juggernaut. His -14 rating is a bit more concerning. Still, all things consi- wait, wait, wait – Shawn Horcoff is making $6.5 million?!?!

Defence 

1 – Christian Ehrhoff – $10 million
All-Star? No.
When approached for comment, Ehrhoff pointed and said, “Hey! Ville Leino didn’t make it either!” Look forward to next season’s edition of this list when Tyler Myers’ will be making $12 million. Ehrhoff isn’t an All-Star and Alex Edler is. Boy did the Canucks get that one right!

2 – Zdeno Chara – $8.5 million
All-Star? Yes.
Even if he didn’t make the team, you’d have to invite him just for the hardest shot competition.

3 – Duncan Keith – $8 million
All-Star? No.
Hard to rip into him considering he’s a +13 and the Blackhawks lead the Central Division.

4- Chris Pronger – $7.6 million
All-Star? No.
Obviously not available due to injuries. He had 12 points in 13 games before getting shut down. Not bad for a 37-year-old Stanley Cup-winning defenceman players around the NHL voted onto the “most overrated” list.

5 – Shea Weber – $7.5 million
All-Star? Yes.
He could have no points and a -46 rating so far this season and he would still make it based off his playoff beard alone. Besides, somebody’s got to challenge Chara at the hardest shot competition.

6 – Brian Campbell – $7.14 million
All-Star? Yes.
It’s pretty amazing that Dale Tallon signed him to a horrendous contract, Campbell’s production fell off, Tallon got fired, the Hawks won the Cup, had to ditch Campbell right after, Tallon traded for him, and resurrected his production. True story.

7 – Brent SeaBrook – $7 million
All-Star? No.
Much like teammate Duncan Keith, can you really jump on Seabrook too badly for not being an All Star with the way Chicago is doing? They hit a slump and they’re still near the top of the West.

8 – Kevin Bieksa – $7 million
All-Star? No.
It really is a shame Bieksa didn’t make it. How hilarious would it be if he was paired with Zdeno Chara?

9 – James Wisniewski – $7 million
All-Star? No.
He’s a -18 in just 29 games so far. That’s impressive even by the Blue Jackets’ standards.

10 – Dan Boyle – $6.66 million
All-Star? No.
Again – the Sharks have three members of Team Canada from the Olympics, and none of them made the cut. In fact, the only defenceman from the Canadian Olympic team that made it is Shea Weber.

11 – Jay Bouwmeester – $6.6 million
All-Star? No.
If neither of Duncan Keith or Brent Seabrook made it, you ain’t makin’ it.

12 – Dion Phanuef – $6.5 million
All Star? Yes.
Recently voted as the NHL’s most overrated player by players who will be watching the game from their couch.

How about the 13th-highest paid defenceman just for funsies? Sure!

13 – Wade Redden – $6.5 million
All-Star? LOL!
He didn’t even make the AHL All-Star roster playing for the Connecticut Whale with Sean Avery. The Rangers still lead the east despite burying those two in the minors. What salary cap?

Goalies 

1 – Ilya Bryzgalov – $10 million
All-Star? No.
He’s got a 3.07 GAA and a .891 SV%. He’s lucky he’s funny.

2 – 31- Henrik Lundqvist – $6.875 million
All-Star? Yes.
He’s got a 1.89 GAA and a .937 SV%. More importantly, he wasn’t benched for the Winter Classic.

3 – Roberto Luongo – $6.75 million
All-Star? No.
No matter what your numbers are, generally speaking, if the backup goalie takes your job for an extended period of time, you don’t become an All Star.

4 – Cam Ward – $6.3 million
All-Star? No.
With just 15 wins, a 3.12 GAA, and a .901 SV%, this has been a nightmare season for Cam Ward. Considering he is the only goalie on the Hurricanes to register a win this season, you can see how maybe it’s not all his fault.

5 – Ryan Miller – $6.25 million
All-Star? No.
Apparently Milan Lucic steamrolled the Ryan Miller out of him, because he’s got a 3.01 GAA and a .902 SV%. You’d figure he’d be doing great behind All-Star defenceman Christian Ehrhoff. Oops.

6 – Miikka Kiprusoff – $6 million
All-Star? No.
With a 2.42 GAA and a .917 SV%, Kiprusoff is actually having a great season. Problem? He’s on a team that has won three straight and is still 12th in the west.

6 (tie) – Niklas Backstrom – $6 million
All-Star? No.
Posting a 2.39 GAA and a .923 SV%, it’s a wonder why Backstrom only has 12 wins. Oh, the Wild are the league’s second-worst offensive team even after acquiring Danny Heatley and Devin Setogouchi? That’ll do it.

Of the 42 players highlighted in this blog (not including Wade Redden), just nine forwards, four defencemen, and one goalie for grand a total of just 14 players made the 2012 All-Star roster. That’s just one third of the roster. The NHL’s highest paid forward, defenceman, and goalie were left off the team. It just goes to show that if you pay a player like an All-Star, it doesn’t mean they’ll play like one.

Then again, you pay a player to win the Stanley Cup, not an All-Star game. It’s what happens after the game that counts.